As we awoke to another Astros loss 11-1 to the M’s this morning and the continuation of an early season 6-15 death march, many questions run through the minds of all Astro fans.
- Where did our fun-loving, dugout dancing, slightly obnoxious young team go? Did the Mother Ship return for them and dropped off the true team?
- Is Erik Kratz on the team as a backup because he is the only catcher in the universe who hits worse than Jason Castro?
- Is there something wrong with Major League Baseball that they would award three consecutive AL player of the week awards to a team that has not won a week full of games to date?
- Will the 2015 AL Rookie of the Year Carlos Correa win the 2016 Sophomore Jinx Award?
- Is Correa trying to prove he does not belong at SS with error after error?
- Did all those 2015 innings, late season and playoff big pitch counts and last game relief appearances, wear out Cy Young winner Dallas Keuchel?
- Did Bud Selig return to MLB and order that the Astros’ early season schedule be set up to maximize Keuchel’s road starts where he flounders?
- Who killed Manager A.J. Hinch‘s puppy? Well that is how he looks in the dugout.
- Why is Scott Feldman being replaced in the rotation by Chris Devenski when his ERA is basically the same as Keuchel’s and 1 to 3 runs better than Mike Fiers, Doug Fister and Collin McHugh?
- If pitching is 90% of the game (hitting is the other half) – why in the world did we trade in a 2 year 4 month period Jordan Lyles, Jarred Cosart, Nick Tropeano, Andrew Thurman, Mike Foltynewicz, Daniel Mengden, Josh Hader, Adrian Houser, Mark Appel, Vince Velasquez, Brett Oberholtzer, Thomas Eshelman and Dan Straily? Maybe some of them, but all of the them?
- Is there any hitter other than Colby Rasmus, who is better now than when they joined the big club? Maybe George Springer?
- Can the team just impose a moratorium on base stealing?
- Can the base coaches be put through extensive re-training to remember what their jobs are?
- Could the hitters be sent up to bat with some sort of special blinders so they do not realize anyone is on base or in scoring position?
- How did the pitching staff get so old – eight guys 30 years old or older? Oh wait, count up five bullets to the answer.
- Is there any hope? Where is the bottom? Will I wake up and Bobby Ewing will step out of the shower alive?
Please, add your own questions to the list.
Time for a team meeting. You get caught stealing you get fined, and you sit until you think you can get it through your thick head not to do that. If not I’m with Mr. Bill you go down to A ball or high A ball to play for awhile. AND….. I don’t care W H A T YOUR NAME IS. What a punch in the gut this game was. I’m going to bed, we lost.
Lets see, a caught stealing, a picked off, and a double turned into an out. Then the bullpen explodes. This was a team loss. This type stuff was not happening in 2015. There’s trouble, right here in River City, and it ain’t Pool.
You had to go and bring up Terry Puhl! Terry, can you please come out of retirement and play CF for us the rest of the year?
Conversation overheard on the bridge of the Starship Enterprise between Mr. Scott [aka Mr. Hinch] to Mr. Spock [aka Mr. Luhnow]:
Mr. Scott: The emergency bypass control of the matter/antimatter integrator is fused. It’s completely useless. The engines are running wild; there’s no way to get at them. We should reach maximum overload in about 15 minutes.
Mr. Spock: I would calculate 14.87 minutes, Mr. Scott.
Mr. Scott: Those few seconds will not make any difference, Mr. Spock, because you and I and the rest of the crew will no longer be here to bandy it back and forth. This thing is going to blow up, and there’s nothing in the universe can stop it
Second conversation overheard on the bridge of the Starship:
Mr. Spock: You spoke of the feel of the ship being wrong.
Mr. Scott: Aye. It was an emotional statement. I don’t expect you to understand it.
Mr. Spock: I note it, Mister Scott, without necessarily understanding it.
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Third conversation overheard this morning on the bridge of the Starship Enterprise, between Mr. Spock [aka Mr. Luhnow], Mr. Scott [aka Mr. Hinch], and Dr. McCoy [aka OP1]:
Mr. Spock: I seem to have a body which stretches into infinity.
Mr. Scott: Body? Why, ya have NONE.
Mr. Spock: Then, what am I?
Dr. McCoy: You are a disembodied brain.
Mr. Spock: Fascinating. It could explain much, Doctor.
Conversation overheard between Captain Kirk [aka Mr. Crane] and Mr. Scott [please note, in the absence from the body of Mr. Spock, the part of Mr. Scott is now being played by Mr. Luhnow]. The subject matter is what happened to the tribbles [aka Mr. Velasquez, Mr. Appel, Mr. Phillips, Mr. Nottingham, Mr. Mengden, and Mr. Santana]:
Capt. Kirk: Mister Scott. Where – are – the tribbles?
Scott: I used the transporter, Captain.
Capt. Kirk: You used the transporter?
Capt. Kirk: Well, where did you transport them?
Capt. Kirk: Scott, you didn’t transport them into space, did you?
Scott: Captain Kirk! That’d be inhuman!
Capt. Kirk: Well, where are they?
Scott: I gave them a very good home, sir.
Capt. Kirk: WHERE?
Scott: I gave ’em to the Klingons, sir.
Capt. Kirk: [whispering] You gave them to the Klingons?
Scott: Aye, sir. Before they went into warp, I transported the whole kit ‘n’ caboodle into their engine room, where they’ll be no tribble at all.
One last conversation overheard on the Bridge. The part of Mr. Scott is once again being played by Mr. Hinch. The part of Mr. Spock is again being played by Mr. Luhnow. The part of Dr. McCoy is now being played by Dan P.
Mr. Scott: What a mess.
Mr. Spock: Picturesque descriptions will not mend broken circuits, Mr. Scott.
Mr. Scott: Mr. Spock, you said a while ago that there were always alternatives.
Spock: Did I? I may have been mistaken.
Dr. McCoy: Well at least I lived long enough to hear that.
Mr. Scott: It’s very bad, Mr. Spock.
Mr. Spock: In what way?
Mr. Scott: We’ve lost a great deal of fuel. We have no chance at all to reach escape velocity. And if we ever hope to make orbit, we’ll have to lighten our load by at least 500 pounds.
Mr. Spock: The weight of three grown men?