OK – truth be told, Bo Porter is the manager of the Astros, not a coach, but he definitely uses that not so foreign language called coach-speak. Luckily I am here to tell you what he really means…..
(Oh and in giving credit where credit is due – I picked the direct quotes out of Evan Drellich’s posts at chron.com – Sorry Chip).
Bo on Brett Wallace and JDM – “I think you can look at Brett Wallace’s situation, J.D. Martinez’s situation and from a prospect standpoint, both of those guys have had success at the major league level. But it just goes to show how quick things can turn at the major league level. …. I believe both of those guys will have bounce-back years.”
- What Bo really meant – “Saying these guys have had success at the major league level as players is like saying I have had success at the major league level as a manager. Yeah, they are ready for bounce-back years. They will be bouncing back to the minors anytime now.”
Bo on Chris Carter – Carter “will spend quite a bit of time as a designated hitter”.
- What Bo really meant – “Chris Carter is like the late Michael Jackson – he wears a glove on one hand for no definable reason.”
Bo on having a single closer vs. closer by committee – “I think that’s ideal, when you have that guy that’s that ninth-inning guy, and, you know it’s a save situation and he’s going to get the ball every time. Unfortunately, we’re not at that point as far as our team would go. I’m comfortable with the guys that we have and figuring out the best way to use those guys, but I think this spring will go a long way and the early portion of the season will go a long way in determining exactly how they’re going to be used.”
- What Bo meant – “With Jesse Crain still not healthy, Matt Albers never closing and Chad Qualls 4 years removed from being a closer…I’m not feeling it. I will probably do like I did last season and bounce from one bad decision to another in using the pen.”
Bo on returning to having names on the back of the uniforms – “We’re in a different place as an organization, these guys have earned the right to have their names on the jerseys.”
- What Bo meant – “It was a stupid decision to remove it in the first place. I was trying to do some pseudo-psycho babble on their heads last year about earning it. I mean – who in their right mind would say these guys earned anything last year with that crap-dash performance. All I ended up doing was confusing myself, the fans and the broadcasters. When I couldn’t tell Brett Wallace from Jordan Lyles one day I knew I needed the names back on the jerseys .”
Bo on the players on the first day of Spring Training – “I love the way the just guys bounced around. These guys were excited to be out on the field, and it showed with their effort and the drill work. You even look at the test that the strength and conditioning staff sent them through at the end of the workout, you still had guys bouncing around.”
- What Bo meant – “Wow did I just say all that? It sounds like I’m describing a convention of Tiggers bouncing off the walls drinving everyone crazy. Come on guys – somebody act like they’ve been here before. “
Bo on the player’s not showing proper respect to Roger Clemens –“Obviously, as an organization, we’re fortunate to have some people like Roger Clemens and Craig Biggio and different people that will come in throughout the course of the year and speak to our ball club. Out of respect to your teammates, out of respect to the people that take time out of their day that come out here and try to do everything that they can to help this organization, it’s the right thing to do to make sure that you are dressed and ready and attentive when that person shows up.”
- What Bo meant – “OK, I know that most of you really wanted Roger to tell you how he ‘roided without being caught and you wonder if you’ll mis-remember what he talked about, but folks he was a stud early and he showed he really knew how to pitch at 40+ when his fastball was at 93 instead of 99. Listen to the guy – he can teach you how to pitch with and without chemicals.”